Back to the Grind

Today is Wednesday and we've been back home from Italy for one week tomorrow. I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and my laptop, as I've been thinking about writing all week but have not really had the time or space to do so. I have worked on this blog site some and am still trying to get it the way I want it, but I'm ready to WRITE already!! I love to journal/write and it's one of the greatest ways I connect (to myself, the Lord, others)...it's how I get all my thoughts and feelings down best. And it's a gift that I've had since I was young. Words come easily to me on paper. Much more easily than speaking them, for whatever reason. I had another blog a couple of years ago, along with a podcast (that I did with my husband), I've written two books (Biblical poetry), and I really just journal my thoughts to the Lord a lot of times. But I've very much been wanting to start writing more here lately. So after my daughter and grand babies left, I decided there's no better time than the present! 

I asked Will (my hubby) yesterday, "So, how do you feel, being back home?" He did a "thumbs down" motion with his hand and laughed. I laughed too and said, "SAME!!" I mean, on one hand, there's truly no place like home...and we were DEFINITELY ready to be back after almost two weeks of being out of the country. I missed my kids and grandkids, but I certainly missed my own bed!!! All the beds in Italy that we slept in were way too hard for my liking, so I didn't sleep good at all while I was there. Thankfully, I've caught up on my sleep this week!

But what we both miss about being in Italy is that it was just the two of us. We had to rely on each other for everything, and we both really enjoyed Will's leadership on all the camino days. He said it made him feel strong and capable as I depended on him and submitted to his direction to get us from point A to point B. It was also an opportunity for him to protect me from danger (yes, there were several instances where he had to enact his manly instincts for safety and survival). He also made decisions that I would typically make at home, just because a lot of times I act in the moment and he may not be there right then. I need to make a practice, now that we're home, of letting him lead more often. I realize how much it did for him and for us, and I know that this is something that needs to continue at home. We are very typical - Adam & Eve-natured...meaning that he leans toward being more passive (where I'm concerned) as he loves me dearly and allows me to fully be myself, which can admittedly mean more bossy/domineering/self-sufficient. These traits get me in trouble in my walk with the Lord and in my marriage, more often than not. 

I have been thinking on these things this week and thought I'd just vulnerably share them with y'all. I don't want to be self-sufficient, but I was raised to be this way and for many years, it was something I prided myself on. But Jesus calls me to Himself, the only all-sufficient One. He calls me to submit to Himself, for His ways, thoughts, and plans for my life are higher and better than mine. He has redeemed and transformed me, so that I am not who I used to be. He wants me to submit also to my husband and give him room to lead me, provide for me, and protect me to the best of his ability. And I don't need to make that harder for him than it already is.

This trip has revealed things to me that I didn't expect...and things that I honestly hadn't even put into thoughts or words until just now. See why I need to write?! Something else that it showed me, which I have been pondering on, is that cliche saying (but I've made it my own by adding to it) - "Couples that pray together AND PLAY TOGETHER stay together." We have prayed together so much in our nearly eighteen years of walking with Jesus, but we hadn't really been in the habit of a joint prayer time (except for during our prayer walks) until a few months ago when Will asked me to start kneeling in prayer with him each night. This has now become a routine for us (he does it in the morning too; I just usually don't join him for that one). This is another area that he's been leading in and we've seen positive effects on our marriage and in our own attitudes and hearts. This time away helped us to reconnect with each other through play, as well. We laughed so hard so many times and really enjoyed just being together. We also cherished the time that we spent walking the long distances of the Via Francigena in God's beautifully amazing creation and experiencing both solitude and nearness of Him and one another. It was such a soulful experience. 

So my takeaway is this: rest and play are both mandatory. Silence, solitude, unplugging, adventure, trying new experiences, laughing, crying, sharing, exploring, being in wonder, time in nature, time with others, all of it...it's all beautiful and fills a part of us that we likely don't even realize we need or are missing in our daily grind. But I am setting my intention on bringing these things into our life more often. We don't have to go across the world, across the country, or even across the street to make time for what our souls crave. The truth is, life is so so short and we aren't getting any younger. So don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. And we can all take inventory of ourselves and our lives and recognize areas that we could improve in that would make our relationships stronger. 

For me, I want to truly put God first again. I want to ENJOY Him. I want to have deep and meaningful connection, conversations, and experiences with Him. I want to do the same in my marriage. I want everything and everyone else to fall a little further down on my to-do list, as it's been flip-flopped for so long now. And I'm pretty sure my fellow mid-lifers, empty nesters, moms and wives who've loved and served their families for so long, can all relate. It's time to get things in order. It's time to care for ourselves, rediscover who we were created to be, and make an enjoyable life for US in this season. It doesn't mean we won't still love our kids and grandkids and everyone else the Lord has so graciously given us...it means we just learn to prioritize and make some changes so that WE are taken care of, too - body, mind, and spirit. Because we always put everyone else first. But let's start today and go back to the basics. Who's with me? I'll be sharing some ways that we can implement the changes I'm talking about in upcoming posts. I hope you'll follow along and share with me any thoughts you have about all of this. 

Until next time...seek Jesus!